Our God: The Situation-Turner

Something happened in the last couple of weeks that made me feel really frustrated. I do not understand why certain things had been said, why such emotions were expressed and why things can't be better and more cordial.

It felt that persecution has come on full force without any warning. As if it's been buried underground for a long time and suddenly decided to show its head at me. I craved for understanding, love, respect and most of all, a genuine concern for what I really desire for in my heart. Not what the world thinks is acceptable. Not what everyone says is good. But what I really hope to have in my life.

I am truly happy. And I mean it. And I hate it when people try to place the common world thoughts onto my life and assume that I am only putting on a brave front. Am I only considered successful if I can fit into the mould that the world declares over the last century? Must I fit certain criteria before I can even consider myself as someone who has done well?

Those days felt so dark. Like the closest people in my life didn't bother to try to understand what I really want. I ask myself the same question over & over again. Do they really care about what's important to me? Or will they consider that I am a happy person only if I earn millions of dollars every month?

That day, I grumbled and grumbled to my brother. Why like that? I don't like it!

At the height of my frustations, God turned the situation around for me.

All of a sudden, it's like a sky cleared. Like I can see the sun again. Like the misunderstandings, the frustrations, the unhappiness all vanished into thin air. She only said one sentence to me.

"I just want you to know clearly. Nothing matters to me more than the fact that you are happy doing what you are doing. Your happiness is the most important thing to me."

I felt like crying there & then, really. Actually, it's not that she doesn't understand me, or love me. The truth is my mother loves me so very much. While she may not understand the conviction I have, and her worries will never truly go away, she decided that my happiness is more important than anything else. That is true family bonding and love.

The dark days are over. Otherwise I would not have the courage to share this here. It made me understand something though. During the dark periods of my life, everything looks bleak and hopeless. The more I dwell on those thoughts, the more upset I feel. Yet, the truth may be that things are not as bad as I imagine it to be.

I truly believe that while words cannot serve to explain matters, God takes what is in my heart & speak to my mother and open her heart to accept what is difficult for her to accept. It is true that our God is a heart-changing God. That even when I don't explain myself, God can make her understand.

I thank God for a mother who loves me, accepts me and supports me. Love you, mama..