Lovey Dovey

Recently, many of my friends have been blogging about their boyfriends & girlfriends and their lovey dovey love stories. On man, it's the season for love! :) wakaka.. but it's great, I love reading such testimonies of how God can unite two people together upon His love, and how a couple can brave through the challenges of life and make a commitment to each other. Never fails to put a smile on my face. :)

Some people tell me that it's no good to be too committed or too in love with their partners. How more rubbishy can it get? A couple should be madly in love with each other for the longest time! Stop all those over-religious thinking that it would rob you of your love for God. If you put God first, you put God first. You don't make God first in your life by giving substandard love to another person. Infact, our love for God can only be shown in the degree that we are able to love people.

Have I ever blogged about my own love story? I frankly can't remember. But I think I did share bits and pieces of it during cell group when I was preaching. In any case, just go with the flow, since everyone's blogging about their loved one. :)

Isaiah and I had a rough start in our relationship mainly because I was still too young when we met in church (my previous church). I was 12 and he was 16 when we got to know each other. And I still remember clearly the first time I saw him. I was thinking to myself how can ANYONE be so tall??! hahaha.. so to me, he was just a tall giant who's humourous and loves to tell jokes. Slowly, he became the leader of our group which was expected because he's really a born leader with his flaire to inspire and guide.

Our friendship slowly grew and there was this mutual understanding that a fondness existed between the two of us. But I guess age was always a problem because i was really much too young for a relationship. Even though I really felt that I was more mature than girls of my age. (Then again, every teenager thinks that way RIGHT?)

So the usual stuffs happened. Pastor's wife came to counsel me and different ones will counsel us and tell us that we should remain as friends and wait till we are older. And to tell you the truth, I now appreciate what they have told me because I do feel that I could have avoided alot of heartaches if I was more mature and level headed. But at that time, I just felt trapped, 'why must control me so much???!!' So yes, when I'm counseling my own members now, I do understand how they feel. Hahahaha.. But it's all for our own good. Trust me.

So as good kids, we did remain as only good friends for the next few years. Only that things took an unexpected twist. Isaiah got attached to another girl in church. He was afterall already studying in Poly while I was only a Secondary school girl then. It lasted only 3 months but yet, those were the darkest days of my life, I must say. Because bottomline there was nothing wrong with what he was doing and I did not have the right to be angry because we were not together afterall.

I was so grieved in my spirit that I fell very sick for 2 months. I kept asking God everyday WHY. I did not understand how it happened, and I was angry with God for even allowing it to happen. I would suddeny break down and cry in the MRT on my way home from church. I would cry when I was bathing. i would cry anytime and anywhere all of sudden. On the surface, I was still the cheerful girl who served joyfully every single week. I was still good friends with Isaiah and that girl. But inside of me was turmoil and alot of sadness. It felt like someting that could have been mine was given to someone else. I was angry with my mum for not allowing me to pursue this relationship. I was angry with my leaders for stopping me. I was angry with myself for being such an obedient girl who listened to my elders. Many 'I should have... I should have..."

I clearly remembered that day when I was on my way to a coffeeshop from my home. The breeze was blowing and I felt the cool air on my face. I had reached the bottompit of my grief when I looked up to heaven and I told God, 'God, I let it all go to you. Everything, I give it to you..' I really felt like giving up and not striving anymore. I felt so tired and wounded. I felt that I could not carry this burden any longer.

But just that instant, I heard God say to me in my ears, 'Vengeance is mine. I will repay. I will make it up to you.' Oh man... what strong words. I was totally shocked when I heard it! I even asked myself many times, have I gotten so bitter that I was thinking of revenge?? Was it me? Or was it really the Holy Spirit?? It was a shaking experience that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

However I knew it was God. Because from that day on, things started to change drastically. My fever which was going on and off for 2 months subsidied completely. And Isaiah's relationship ended soon after. Finally, isaiah and I got together. (Of course many things happened during this period lah, but that's not the main point...) My days of mourning ended. And things just got better and better and better from then on. Haha..

But on a more serious note, as I think back about those dark days of my life (only lasted 3 months though), I can't help but thank God for His divine plans and purpose. In my puny mind and thinking, I would have hoped to be together with isaiah right from the beginning. But if that girl had not appeared and episode had not taken place, Isaiah and I would never have treasured each other so much. And I would not know for sure that this is the man that God has prepared for me. And I am totally amazed at how God heard every one of my whining and complaining during those few months and how He decided to intervene and take charge on my behalf. He even assured me that things are all under control by speaking those strong words to me. So you see, there is indeed a special someone that God has ordained to be our partner. And no matter what may happen in between, if we trust God, He will make it right for us. All you singles out there, have hope! :)

Through that season in my life, I learnt that God is the One who comes through for us in every aspect of our lives. God had allowed that particular 3 months to be inserted into our lives so that we cannot deny that He had chosen isaiah for me and me for him. As long as we make a decision to want to give it all to Him and trusts that He knows best, we can be assured that everything will fall into place according to His timing. Not earlier, not later. If we determinedly want to do it ourselves, we may mess things up big time. Maybe I would not be married to isaiah today. Maybe I would become a very bitter girl. Maybe I would lose faith in relationships and in God.

Many people ask me how isaiah and I can have such a strong relationship that lasted 10 full years before we got married. Counting my fingers, he's been my friend for 16 years, my boyfriend for 10 years, my husband for 3 years and Joey's daddy for 2 months. hahaha.. But of course! After going through so much just to be together, we really treasure each other very much now. What you've lost before, you will hold on to it tightly when you get it back.

God is the author of my love story. :)